MAYke Your Own Magic

In March, I posted a daily prompt in my Facebook group 'Dream Create Journal'. I gave it the title, March Magic. The intention behind it was to focus all our energy on one dream with the hopes of seeing it come to fruition. I enjoyed it so much that it was a joy to spend time in it each day. Just by editing the photos & writing the posts I felt utterly absorbed in the magic of it.

Then April came round and we were back to our monthly theme with one blog post per week from myself, Kelly, or Jeni. 

April, I completely nosedived. It was the lowest month of 2018 so far. I began to ask myself why. And why was it such a struggle to get myself out? Two answers came to me.

Perspective

As the month was coming to an end, I attended Cambs Planner Con, hosted by the lovely Anna, aka Mrs Brimbles. This took me away from the toxic environment and placed me slap bang in the midst of lovely, inspiring people/friends, and plenty of planner/journaling goodness! 

The energy was happy, fun, and creative. I soaked it all in. This, point number one, made me realise, that when I find myself hitting a low, and it's often down to my environment, I need to take myself away and gain a new and fresh perspective. To remind myself of the wonderful people in my life. Not to focus on upsets but to see the good. That might mean coming away, physically, from your situation and placing yourself in a different, happier, creative, positive, environment. Sometimes all it might take is a walk. That's why walking is good for your mental health. But then other times it may call for something more. Like traveling to see a good friend or visiting a place you adore!

Create Your Environment

This brings me to point number two. During March, I had created a very positive environment, regardless of what was happening with my neighbours (my biggest source of stress). I realised that through the focus of putting together the daily prompts and taking part myself, I had been creating, without sounding new agey or too sciency, a positive energy. And now at the risk of sounding cheesy too, each day was like I had blown up a colourful balloon and I would put them together, until, like the ones in the image above taken at planner con, my environment was filled with happy, positive vibes. 

I'm not saying it's a guarantee against bad things because we do experience trials as humans. However, I believe it is a deterrent to unnecessary ones and we are better able to cope through current ones. Thus more equipped to change our situation. Not to mention open doors of opportunity. And that's just part of the magic.

The morning of the day I am writing this, as I stood in my kitchen making a cup of coffee, I was looking at one of my favourite mugs while contemplating whether I should give the daily prompts for May a title. Then it happened. Lol, this is both cheesy but good. On my mug it says "Make Your Own Magic". Well you can guess what happened next by the main image of this post. MAYke Your Own Magic was born. It absolutely fit the theme for me personally! 

So March Magic is still working it's magic! Even long after it ended. If you would like to take part, you can join the Dream Create Journal FB group HERE.

When You Feel Like You're Going Round In Circles...

In my last post I mentioned circles coming up a lot for me lately. When we allow ourselves to create freely, to be able to express our emotions through art, it can become a means of healing for us. But not only that, our art can actually become a means of speaking to us. This is what I've found recently.

Because I chose to not worry about what I'm creating each day for The 100 day Project, I have been, unwittingly, more open to allowing art to be a healing process for me. I felt really drawn to painting circles. For a moment I judged that. I thought, 'You can't paint circles everyday'. Next I began to write affirmations and thoughts on them. I then realised that my subconscious was expressing itself onto the page. Couple all this with being in tune with intuition and you have tapped into something really special! 

I found myself, as I was painting circles, actually going around in one, and it really upset me. I got so angry with myself. Why am I not learning my lesson here? Why do I end up back in this place time and time again? At the same time, I heard intuition tell me to pick up a book I had put down. Immediately it started speaking into my situation. But then I read a dialogue between a woman and her inner self and it was exactly where I was! I actually added the quote in my last post but it needs repeating here.

"You are stubborn. You are afraid to risk genuine change. But you have learned. Your circles are actually spirals. You will make the same mistakes until you see them so clearly that the patterns become separate from you. Then you will be able to choose the old patterns or not to choose it." 

As if on que it went on to answer my thought that I want it to happen immediately;  

"It is a process, and you are inside that process."

A Shift In Perspective 

All I needed what a shift in perspective! Oh my goodness the relief this brought! I've not being going around in circles per say. I've been going upward in a spiral. Each time I make the same mistake I make progress. Granted it's tiny but it's progress!! You see, I'm still moving towards my goals, and just because I repeat some of those mistakes doesn't mean I'm not getting anywhere. A time will come when I stop making them. Thank God!

This goes for everyone making their way towards their goals and repeating mistakes. One day, the lesson will be fully learned. Just go easy on yourself. Sometimes, all that is needed is a shift in perception!

Empowerment Spirals

So now I call these circles I'm painting, empowerment spirals. The painting looks like a circle. But with the added text, it is in fact a spiral and acts as a reminder that so long as we are making steps towards our goals, all the mistakes and cock ups we find ourselves repeating along the way, are not us going around and around, making zero progress. We are in fact going around but progressing upwards. We will learn the lesson eventually, forming new habits. But new habits are not formed overnight. Just don't allow these mistakes to stop you from moving forwards towards your goals. Or you will find yourself trapped in a circle. 

I hope you enjoy the video I made to accompany this blog; 

Wisdom Anxiety Has Taught Me

Just over two weeks ago I was all geared up, excited, ready for change. March Magic had come to an end and all signs pointed to exciting times ahead. It looked as though my dreams were within my reach!

Then it happened.

On the whole, I am a positive person. I like to believe all things are possible and I want to live my best life and encourage others to do the same. That said, I'm really sensitive when it comes to the slightest negative emotions coming from others. Negativity sends me down very quickly into my own cycle of negativity and hopelessness. Well, as the holidays began, I felt the downward pull of negativity online. I had to take action by turning off notifications on Facebook/Messenger. This gave much needed respite from online negativity, but nothing could prepare me for what I was going to experience from my neighbours. 

A Dark Night Of The Soul

What I'm going to share I haven't shared with anyone. I woke up this morning knowing this had to be blogged.

My new neighbour is a mother of I think three. I can't be sure. The situation is very complicated. It's not important to this story. Anyway, she shouts...a lot. I'm not talking about "normal" shouting. I'm talking about every swear word you can possibly imagine kind of shouting. She gives off really bad, negative energy. It feels like she actually pollutes the air around her with it. 

A couple of times it affected me. I'd get shaky and upset by it. But one day it got so bad that I woke up about 5am shaking. I had a full on panic attack. It felt that there was no way forward. That this was it for me and the constant cycle of bad neighbours. That I would be stuck here forever. I got up, went to the toilet and threw up. Nothing would bring any relief or comfort. Only sheer exhaustion got me back to sleep.

Light Of Dawn

When I woke up, there was a distinct sense of knowing my body dealt with the stress this lady triggered, in the best way it knew how. Yet now it was my turn to give it a helping hand by heeding the wisdom that that breakdown was teaching me. 

I genuinely believe that what this lady does triggered in me what I experienced growing up. Circles seem to be a theme for me lately, and I'll be posting about that in my next post. But I felt I had come full circle. This was now my chance to scoop up the little girl in me and save her. To take back her power, own the sensitivity, to not be shamed into thinking my sensitivity is a weakness. To not allow myself to be intimidated and crippled by fear. That night, and it makes me cry now thinking about it, I saw the child in me curled up in a ball utterly powerless to change her situation. Adult me, however, has learnt enough to know that there is a way forward, but in the words of Brene Brown, it means Daring Greatly. It means being vulnerable.

Give Yourself Up To Life

I have been exerting a lot of energy (and this could be a contributing factor to my 5am breakdown), into trying to get the life I want. Rather than giving myself up to life, because of the fear of being vulnerable, I would find ways to try and control life. This is VERY different to owning your power. It's actually the opposite. It's refusing to own your power and be your true self (be vulnerable) and so try to live life by taking short cuts that actually don't exist. 

It is my understanding now, that we all have that one thing we know we are meant to do, that one step we're meant to take, but we're too afraid to. I know what mine is. It's different for all of us but it's the same in that it requires being brave. 

I'm still feeling very tender and bruised from the other night. But I know this, that it's time for me to throw myself into the flow of life, rather than trying to control that flow. Going back to circles, just as I began berating myself for finding myself in the same place, again and again, falling back into the same bad habits, I came across something someone said, 

"You are stubborn. You are afraid to risk genuine change. But you have learned. Your circles are actually spirals. You will make the same mistakes until you see them so clearly that the patterns become separate from you. Then you will be able to choose the old patterns or not to choose it." 

As if on que it went on to answer my thought that I want it to happen immediately; 

"It is a process, and you are inside that process."

Finding The Magic In Art Again

Art. It was never known as that as a child. It was called having fun! When you get older, the same feeling is there to have fun and create, but when we call it art we freeze. The process can suddenly be full of pressure... 

The pressure to be perfect and please others.

Because I am entering that stage in my life where I want to be me and stop being that person who constantly worries what others think, I decided it would only be fitting to apply the same principle in my art. 

I am going to allow myself the space each day to have fun and put whatever I want on the page. No end in sight. No pressure to even call it art. Just create. And, as part of the 100 day project, I'm going to do this every day for 100 days and post them, unashamedly, on my Instagram account.

My hope is that I can create a safe space for others to do the same. I'm talking scribbles, splodges of paint, collaged sweet wrappers, an inky mess.... Anything goes! It doesn't even have to be confined to a journal everyday. 

That's when I anticipate the magic to happen. That along the way I will discover hidden gems. Develop, by chance, new skills. 

I will be using the hashtag #artlikeachild because that encompasses everything. So be sure to use that if you want to join in with me.

For more info on The 100 Day Project, click HERE.