Sunday, 26 August 2018

My Journey To A Magical Life - Part One

A new chapter in my own journey has just begun. As I look back over what has happened so far, in order to put it all into words that won't bore you, I wonder where on earth am I going to start! So I flip through all my notebooks only to feel overwhelmed by how much I made note of over that time period. The lessons and treasures I pulled out of the dark. The astonishing signs that occurred. The downright unexplainable. Discovering rock bottom really does have a basement. And pursuing the inner belief that there is more to life with a dogged determination. 

But first, some context.

I grew up in a magical world of, what grown ups would have described as 'my own making'. However, looking back, I can see as children we are born with the gift to perceive things that are there, which most adults lose. We also nurture our imagination through play. But, again, as we grow older, we are encouraged out of it. Thus cutting the life flow to possibility. 

For creatives, which I believe we all are in various guises, it's a terrible loss. All the skills needed to do what we instinctively know we were born to do are thrown out with our childhood as we enter the still very victorian system of education. At this point I highly recommend Ken Robinson's Ted talks and books;

I eventually found myself in another system, the system of organised religion. I believed once I entered it I would find the deep meaning of life. I did, but not in the way I expected! I found that religion is not the answer. I left, but took my broken faith in God, with me. I no longer believed God to be a figure resembling Father Christmas sat on a cloud. But that's another story.

Alone, having upset my husband and his family for leaving, I set out on a journey.

With tentative baby steps, I slowly opened my mind to new possibilities while healing from the wounds of religion. I said to God that I wanted him/her to show me who God really is, not biased people. My faith would become a deeply personal one. *Side note, it's amazing how many people want control over your personal faith. 

For a period of time, once I left school, I dabbled in what people term (and it's a term I loathe) the new age. I barely skimmed the surface before I met my husband and joined the church. But once I had left the church and began to be more open, I realised that I had indeed set foot on a journey which would involve revisiting some familiar territory with fresh eyes and a new perspective. Not all of it would make the cut, but some of it would and would be explored in greater depth.

At this point I want to say this...

When we learn to walk, we do so ourselves. Whether a safe and encouraging environment is provided for us or not. It's something we instinctively know we must do. The same goes for our walk in life. The deep inner knowing that there is something specific we are here to do. Yet there are people waiting to control that walk. 

It takes bravery to dance to the beat of your own drum because you will upset people along the way for not dancing to the beat of theirs. 

Meanwhile, the situation where I lived grew increasingly worse. In the past I've constantly had to deal with terrible neighbours and the overall depressing state of where I lived. This pushed me to find diamonds in the rough. The saving grace, for me, were the sunsets. It was like God was painting a canvas for the audience of one...because no one else was paying attention. I felt spoiled by the variety. And it always felt like a beckoning...that there was something just beyond the skyline and one day I would find it. Creation/nature was to play a huge roll in my journey to find the enchanted life, just as it had done in my childhood. 
I feel, and always have, that God is a life force which inhabits all things, one to be discovered and explored, and so going into a building to find him felt counter intuitive. God for me was in nature and beyond. 

One day, before things got really bad, as I sat looking out of the window, I looked up and on a whim said, 'God, by the time Marjorie (a particularly lovely neighbour) goes, I want to have moved. The day came when Marjorie did indeed go. She had to go into hospital and passed days afterwards. 

And that's when all hell broke loose...

The afternoon I came back from her funeral, my hand still dirty from throwing earth into her grave, my little dog Bonnie started barking. I got up to look out of the window.

'That's odd' I thought. 'No one's there'.

I then heard commotion in my back garden so rushed to the back door. There stood two women, a mother and daughter, with chairs from my garden. Startled, they said,

'Oh! We just borrowed your chairs to climb on so we can access the garden next to you as we've been offered the house.'

My heart sank.

They moved in with the daughters children and boyfriend. Cue swearing, shouting, and loud music. When I confronted her about it because it stopped me from working, she started to spread rumours about me to my neighbours. My life felt as if it was falling apart and that was just the beginning.

Next moved in a dealer where Marjorie once lived. In total, four neighbours joined forces because they all had one thing in common...drug use. Next rats started appearing from all the rubbish that accumulated in the gardens. It became a living hell.

It was during these months I began to seek, with a dogged determination, ways to bring my dreams to pass. The difficulty of the situation had brought my dreams into focus, as it so often does. This is where well meaning people say pray and trust God. 

But I heard differently. (In fact, the day I'm writing this, and this often happens to me, I came across an article this morning which echoes what I heard.)

Before all hell broke loose, A book very serendipitously came my way which immediately got my attention. I devoured it...several times over. This is what I heard...

Pray, but remember, We all have the power to change things and have been given all the resources we need to do so. Inspired action must accompany prayer!

We must make use of all the resources given to us. With the loss of ancient wisdom, we became disabled and fell back on systems to try and help us. But each of us can realise our own power this very second and begin to discover this wisdom again.

And so the wheels of change began to turn and the magic began to reveal itself... 

Part Two coming soon. 

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