I Found My Truth Letting Go

There is a place within that no words could ever adequately describe.  To use words such as magical would be lost on many. What is blissful to one is a sinful to another. 

Wonder is often mistaken as crazy.*

*See Alice in Wonderland!

I believed life was magical growing up. I would escape to my garden and lose myself in another world. The garden was huge and we had a miniature "woodland" at the bottom. That was venturing out into the unknown. It was scary. But it held a strange curiosity for me and my siblings.

The one time we dared enter it, holding hands as we walked within it, we saw a bright light appear and fly up. Frozen in fear for a few seconds, we screamed and legged it back up to the house. 

We rarely discuss that day.

I never thought twice about my truth and this world I lived in. I was often mocked by family members who grew up in the tough estates of the north. There was no place for imagination in their world. It was seen as "soft". But it didn't really bother me back then. However,

Over the next few years I lost myself.

Unbeknownst to be, I subconsciously left her behind in a field of gold one day.

I think my higher self hid her in that memory. Like buried treasure waiting for the owner to return. Some never do. As metal detectorists find out (to their delight). 

I lost myself to roles, pleasing others, religious systems, the world. 

The journey back to myself started one day around five years or so ago when I said;

ENOUGH!

But enough is just one step. It jump starts awakening. It's the start of a journey of undoing and healing. 

So for years, what seems like small steps were actually huge leaps forward. You have to go easy on yourself.

As my true self re-emerged, I started practicing what I now call living in creation. Namely law of attraction and creating a life we love. A few months after a journal challenge I ran in my group, I manifested big dreams! Down to the finest of details. Yet some went beyond what I dreamed. They were bigger!

I fell into ease during this time. Yet I was being challenged. Challenged to dream bigger. To own my truth. You see, there was a part of my truth that if owned openly, I would be rejected by the religious types who I was very close to. *husband

I was scared. This was the biggest leap yet.

I took small steps. Yet they were enough to ignite anger. *He was angry I had crystals and books on the moon phases. He comes from a strict religious background.

Then the Corona virus happened.

The last few days have been ethereal and hazy. But I will do my best to describe what happened...

One night I had a dream.

In it was an old friend. This will be the topic of a separate post. Anyway, I felt this friend needed help. It was a desperate situation.

I woke up contemplating what the dream meant. Every day I meditate as part of my manifestation practice. It's very much like visualizing. But more scientific. See here for that rabbit hole! 

Anyway, this dream opened up something within me. Part of my visualization is about becoming independent, both emotionally and financially. It's about being free. (Isn't that what a desire for wealth always is?)

My visualizations became really powerful. 

They were super charged emotionally. 

*This is important in manifestation work as it's emotion that draws your desires to you. 

After a few days of these turbo charged meditations, I started experiencing serendipitous moments connected to them. Serendipity isn't uncommon to me, but this time an opening up of something within was happening.

Then a song played and the lyrics described what was happening. Intrigued, I looked up the meaning and found the artist wrote about my own experiences.

Look at my two hands Look at theses cracks and the holes I am my savior I found my truth letting go And I’ve never felt so alone In one unending moment I fall within your reach My song a sweet surrender Hold on to me hold on to me In one unending moment We fall into the sea Recall the words I gave to you Hold on to me hold on to me hold on I found my truth letting go Recall the words I gave to you Hold on to me, hold on to me.

The artists says about the song:  

The song also talks about that time when I was dealing with what I believe in, faith-wise. I came from a world of religion and that didn’t end very well.

Over the past few weeks I have truly found myself. Not just that, but that world I inhabited! I am no longer ashamed to share my truth of my wonder filled world. It might not be familiar to some. Like I said, some associate wonder with crazy.

My intuition is super sensitive right now. I feel like I got my super powers back!

In my next post I'll share a card I pulled last night that speaks so powerfully into this. I hope it will speak to you to.

*I'm not sure where the friend I mentioned earlier is. But I have a feeling they need help :-(