Wednesday, 6 November 2019

NOvember - My Personal Experience in Learning to Say No

Google NOvember and you will see that there are many campaigns encouraging people to say no to some pretty serious abuse. Such as drug abuse or violence and sexual exploitation. 

But as the hashtag is expanding to include other topics, what about day to day things that may be seemingly insignificant to some but are causing stress or anxiety to others? It's these seemingly insignificant things I started saying no to this year...

Looking back on the past year, and decade, gives opportunity to put a lot of what has happened into perspective. With plans being put into motion for 2020, I would like to move beyond all that has happened.

To all I have offended. It has never ever been intentional. This year I needed to learn to say no and walk away from things/places that were not good for me. And I needed to say no to things that I simply did not want to do. I have been such a people pleaser for so long that saying no felt impossible. And it came at a cost...that cost was my truth.

In order to speak and live my truth I knew I had to start learning to say no. 

As I started to say no and it offended someone, they had no idea the strength it took within to say it. Inside I was terrified. 

Next came the time to start walking away. This was scarier because I knew I would be misunderstood. 

And I was. 

Earlier this year I walked away from an online group. Actually I left a few, but only one caused misunderstanding. I literally just walked. I snuck out of the back door. No drama. I had my reasons...many of them. They had been building for a while. But I decided that I would keep them to myself in order not to cause drama or sway opinion. 

However, it didn't go down too well. I caused offence just by leaving and such an action was extremely misunderstood. Being put down to a single fact...I left because I was offended myself. 

Not true.

But you know, it's okay. 

It's okay because I have more self-confidence than I did a few months ago. Saying no does that to you. At one time it would have bothered me but today I close the door. I'm moving on. But before I do, I want to say this to everyone who I've upset.

I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry my actions offended you and I'm here if you ever decide to put the past behind and move on too. 

I am not sorry for my boundaries. 

I am not sorry for standing on my morals and principles. For speaking up about injustices.

They are so incredibly important to me. It took a lot to be brave enough to start living by them. 

Years ago I vowed to not be a victim, waiting for someone to come save me, but to try and be the best version of myself possible. It's only now I'm learning that boundaries and no's are part and parcel of that.

I genuinely wish all I upset the very best. Next year is going to be an incredible year and I really do hope your dreams become a reality. But if we cannot go into 2020 together, that's okay. Just know they are no ill feelings on my part. 

Geraldine Xx

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