Friday, 5 July 2019

The Art of Allowing

The Art of Allowing is the art of no longer resisting well-being in your life. Well-being comes from self-care. Yet to go even deeper, self-care comes from a place of knowing your worth. 
You see, the opposite of allowing is resistance. We very often resist our own well-being in favor of putting others first. This is because we, subconsciously, do not value our own worth enough to put ourselves first.  

Once we deal with our worth and discover our own power, we begin to value ourselves more and take action! You then begin to pour out from that place of power. Taking small steps every day, to your own well-being, will result in a radical life change. 

I appreciate many do not like change, however, you can implement as much or as little change as you feel comfortable. And as uncomfortable as change can be, in the context of allowing, it will always be positive change. 

An example of what this looks like can be as simple as putting ourselves in the driver's seat of our thoughts. You’re lying in bed and your mind begins to go through the day's events. Anxiety results as you worry about what others may think with regards to something that happened that day. Or you may regret a choice you made. Here are two different scenarios; 

  • Negative thoughts begin to spiral, resulting in panic, fear, anxiety etc. You wake up tired and those worries come flooding back. You are not in control. This will affect the days decisions and you will more likely react to things as opposed to acting from a place of power. 
  • Negative thoughts appear. You listen to them without judgement. Then, confident and self-assured in your self-worth, you proceed to rise up in your power and allow for grace and positivity. There are solutions and you resolve to implement them step by step. 

You might not recognize it, but the second scenario is in fact part of self-care. I think of it as adult me looking after my inner child. Very often we’re only familiar with our inner child and she can get very scared and lonely at times. 
In order to allow, we need to start putting ourselves first. Love and nurture yourself.  

Another aspect I need to touch on is hope and expectation. We’re so used to believing the worst, or feeling a sense of dread. But what if we switched gears and started not only believing, but expecting good things to flow to you. This is the ultimate state of allowing.  

So, you can see there are levels in the art of allowing; 
  • Love yourself 
  • See your self-worth 
  • Rise up in your power 
  • Expect good things to flow to you 
As you grow in this self-knowledge, so you will grow in your ability to implement self-care in your life. 

Exercise: Power Cards 

This is a journey of many little steps. Today we’re going to lay some groundwork towards this journey, should you choose to take it up, if you’re not already. If you’re already well on your way in this area, this exercise will give you a boost as it does for me.  
First, ask yourself which area in your life do you feel you need to empower.  
For me, recently, it has been my schedule and focus. Losing sight of these has had negative repercussions.  
Next, come up with a mission/vision statement or intention. For me it would be something like this: 

“I find organizing easy and simple. My life runs smoothly according to schedule yet I am open to spontaneity without losing my focus of the bigger picture.” 

Positive Creative Energy 

Where do we have access to creative energy? ColourColour is a very powerful yet simple way to infuse our thoughts with energy.  
  • Red: A fantastic colour to promote inner strength and self-confidence! It’s a strong colour and although linked to warnings, it’s not negative. It’s such a powerfully energetic colour. You could also use it to promote self-love. 
  • Yellow: Not as bold as red, yellow is another colour that helps improve self-confidence and self-esteem. It represents creativity, warmth and happiness. 
  • Orange: A mood lifting colour! It has the energy of red and the happiness of yellow. 
  • Purple: Calming while energizing. This is a great colour to promote wisdom, extravagance, and self-worth. 
  • Pink: Universal love at its highest level. It promotes compassion, kindness and cooperation and encourages a sense of self-respect and contentment in those who use it. Pink brings me hope and an expectation of good. 
  • Blue: This is a good colour to promote faith, trust and peace. It’s a cool yet calming colour 
  • Green: Represents growth and renewal. Also another colour for abundance. A great colour for hope. 

Now take your piece of card and apply your colours of choice. You can create shapes or simply, and most effectively, blobs of colour. Once your card has dried, proceed to write on it your intention or vision statement. Then carry this card around with you, making sure you pull it out and give it a moment of your focus and attention. 

Each time you feel you need that extra energizing kick start to something, get out your paints and create another card.  

Wednesday, 24 April 2019

Thanks, But No Thanks.

Photo by Gemma Evans 

In my last post I spoke about being brave enough to dance to the beat of your own drum. Since then I have become more and more aware of the depths of my people pleasing and pacifying. I didn't realise how often I had actually been putting others before me. Sometimes at great costs to myself. Both financially and mentally. 

So, step by step, I began to say no. I also began to set more healthy boundaries where I saw the need for them.

But then a funny thing started happening.

People started getting upset and offended.

My whole reason for people pleasing and pacifying was to prevent potential conflicts. The root of which was fear...fear of said conflicts and of being disliked. I also wanted to be the best friend/person I could be. But here's the thing...

If we people please and pacify, we are not being our true self with those people. If we're our true self with them by saying, respectfully, no and protect our boundaries, yet they get upset, the fault lies not with us...

...the fault lies with the other person.

They may interpret your sudden change as you being cold or indifferent. But this only goes to show just how much you were working at pleasing them. 

Why are no's and boundaries seen as negative? Think about it..even a stop sign might seem like a negative image. But it's actually there to save your life. Some of us groan at having to stop at a red light. But it's only red to prevent an accident from happening. Red is seen as an angry colour. It's not. Red is used in nature as a healthy warning. (It's also a passionate colour). If we purposefully ignore the stop signs, the red lights, the warnings in nature, we face potential death.

We need to learn to have a positive and respectful mindset around the reds in life. 

Set Yourself Free

Once we begin saying no and setting healthy boundaries, yes, those people using you will leave, but new people, people who like you for being you, who respect your no's and your boundaries, will come into your life. You will start building up a healthier circle of friendships. Your life will change. 

You will have begun the process of setting yourself true self free! People becoming offended and leaving may really hurt, but the new opportunities and new people that will come into your life, will really ease that pain and heal the wounds made by those who used you for their own gain. 

People pleasing and not setting boundaries is to put the very essence of who you truly are in a cage. The world needs the real you. Set yourself free.

Ways To Recognize You People Please or Need boundaries

  • You sugar coat any no's or boundaries with emojis and/or apologise or anything that will pacify that person. Sugar coating is almost always fear based. If you have to sugar coat a message to a friend, you need to question that friendship.
  • You say yes to things that you want to say no to. Such as going to a party you've been invited to but would rather stay at home.
  • Worried about what others will think of you, you taylor boundaries and answers, to fit them and not your own needs. For example, you give in to certain peer pressure within your circle of "friends". 
  • You're exhausted. You've stretched yourself too far for others'. 
  • You share the same faith and morals with a loved one, but deep down you disagree with them. 
  • Making choices based on your parents desires and not your own.
  • Staying in a group you want to leave. 

Monday, 11 February 2019

Braving It To Dance To The Beat Of Your Own Drum

When we pay attention, and by paying attention I mean be aware of the bigger picture in life, we notice things. We can be guided by whichever higher power you personally identify with. Meaningful signs appear to you just at the right time to get your attention, followed by something that speaks directly into your life. 

This is what happened to me recently. I had been going through a really challenging time. I was being misunderstood. I'd say something that was taken the wrong way, which then threatened insecurities to raise their ugly head. Fortunately, the lesson I had begun to learn, which I wrote about in my last post, kicked in. I knew I had to stand for what I believed in and what was good for me. And I had so many signs to guide me along the way.

Saying no, I was misunderstood. I genuinely didn't want to upset the person I was saying no to, but I knew I couldn't say yes, for a multitude of reasons. The list for no outweighed the one for yes. Unfortunately, the other person took my no to mean more than it did and she parted ways.

This left me with a lot to process. Do I fight my corner and try to explain that's not what I meant? If I respect their decision and back off without a fight, would they understand one day? I don't know.

So I respectfully backed away without putting up a fight.

However, I did know this was not actually my battle. I was secure in my decision, but it had taken me years to get to this point in my life. To be secure enough to say no when I knew a no was absolutely necessary. 

The following week, there was an explosion of opportunities and good news. It was like I had opened up space for all these things...

Which got me thinking...

How much do we close ourselves off to when we people please? When we say yes when what we really want to say is no? 

Not only do we lose out on what could be, we become less ourselves and more them. Our light dims and we no longer shine. 

The thing is, you are here for a reason. You are unique. You are loved and the world needs us to shine. Shining is not to be confused with trying to please everyone. We are all imperfectly perfect...our honest expressions of ourselves done even in love will set off others' insecurities. But that's not your fault. It's not even theirs. They've just yet to learn about themselves and grow.

Another lesson, which I'll write separately about, is having the strength to remove yourself from toxic environments. We can be so narrow minded and rooted in a small space, that we think that's all there is. Which makes leaving it harder. But when you see that there's a big, big world out there, it makes the decision easier. Again, though, you will be misunderstood. But if you stay out of fear of being misunderstood, you miss out on so much that is waiting for you, not to mention you even lose yourself!

And life is too short for that!

I may, at the time of writing, be completely misunderstood by a few. But it makes me stronger in myself. I shine more brightly. I do see things from their perspective, because I've been there. Although I choose not to put up a fight, I am fighting by just being me and staying true to my decisions, knowing that one day, some of those people will get it and may indeed go through the very same process for themselves. 

And for those people, my door is kept open.

Monday, 14 January 2019

The Fear of Being Your Wild and Passionate Self

I bloomin knew this would be a blog post! Everything I feel deeply ends up being poured out into words. Like a dam about to burst, it's inevitable!

Yet, strong emotions and epithanies are so difficult to put into words. You want to do what you're feeling justice, because you know it's precious. Yet at the same time you don't want to put people to sleep. 🙄


The other day I woke up after a good night. That night was in fact a party for one, due to friends living so far away and moving to a new area, I've yet to meet new friends who embrace my eccentricities! It's a good job I like my own company, lol. 

This particular morning, however, something was different. I found myself thinking, as I usually do, 'Am I too much? Am I too open? Am I making a fool of myself? Should I hold back?'

This time however, a small, yet firm voice, replied. It said, 'Okay, it's time to stop this now. You are perfect and if anything, you need to start fully embracing who you are. Stop rejecting yourself' Yes, this voice reeled off all the cliches. Yet this time, they really struck a chord. Like the proverbial nine inch drop, from head to heart.

You get to a certain point in life, generally age related (sigh), where you recognise people pleasing is crippling you. It not only stops you from being who you know you're meant to be, but it prevents you from doing so many wonderful things in life. It stops you shining.

Shining requires vulnerability.

It requires facing fear.

To be fully you, for most people, requires superhuman bravery.

Most of my real life heros are those who are unashamedly themselves. They express their opinions, yet in humility, while inspiring others, yet have strong and very clearly defined boundaries. They're the epitome of free spirited.

So there I was, pondering this recurring theme of 'Being true to yourself'.

When something else came up and triggered something of a sleeping giant in me. "Sensible" me tried to convince it to go back to bed. Sleeping giant, aka passionate me, was having none of it! 

'Oh crap. Here we go'.

You see sensible me is a man made, culturally conditioned, fearful of rocking the boat, live by society's laws, both unspoken and spoken, fake me.

Real me used to scare me...

She is passionate. Wants to explore places(sometimes bare footed). Loves doing really silly things. Loves to have deep conversations, particularly at night, with a few drinks. Loves painting. Loves journaling. Loves prefixing things she likes with the word loves. Feels deeply. Finds people fascinating. Gets frustrated easily. Sometimes with said interesting people. Wants to go camping..

            with friends...

                       and a few drinks...

while stargazing.

I used to be that person fully. It got me into a lot of trouble.

When I was a toddler, I climbed out of the window to 'pop to the shops' to get my sister some sweets. I knew my way there and back too. I came home before the police had a chance to turn up. 🤣

I faced my fears, explored seriously creepy places and saw things I can't to this day explain. 

I almost died of dehydration exploring a mountain, when some guy saved me and those I was with.  

Yet, in time, this independant, wandering spirit, was slowly but surely suppressed by systems. 

School, parental and cultural.

Finding myself homeless, I ended up stuck in the rat race in order to play it safe and live by the system.

But I couldn't.

So I up and left EVERYTHING! My job. The house I owned. And the man I was engaged to.

The dream was to travel.

But life again didn't work out the way I planned.

I found love. Got married. Had a family.

But I also found myself living a life the way others wanted me to live it. I was in a religious system which frowned on things I was, at one time, very passionate about. I was living in an area that was crushing me.

Most of you know the story. I took a leap of faith and left that system, and began to pursue my dreams.

They began to come true last year and continue to unfold even now.

Which brings me back to the beginning of this post. 

For some reason, I find myself being reminded, prompted and warned, not to ever fall into that place of fear and conformity again. I've already been thinking a lot about the risk of slipping into complacency once your dreams come to pass. 

I feel that something big and something wonderful is about to happen, if I only learn to embrace and fully live my passionate, wild self, unashamedly. 

And again, this requires vulnerability, facing fear and being brave. 

The Art of Allowing

The Art of Allowing is the art of no longer resisting well-being in your life. Well-being comes from self-care. Yet to go even deeper, ...