Friday, 31 August 2018

My Journey To A Magical Life - Part Three

Continued from Part Two. 

So, all hell broke loose.

A heatwave in the UK started. Neighbours ganged together. A massive fire started on the moors and we ended up with the smoke. Days after that, even closer to us, Winter Hill was set on fire. A hill very dear to my heart and iconic to my childhood. And a  hill that was to feature in my breakthrough. There we were, trapped in a nightmare, whilst being wedged between two massive raging moorland fires. I mean it really was quite surreal.

Something was happening. The appearance of those fires gave me a real sense that something in the unseen was going on. Add to that astronomically, we were having some unique things happen all in a short space of time. Change was definitely in the air. The best way I can describe it is I instinctively felt a shift of some kind was happening.

It was during this time, and will perhaps explain in part the feeling I had of a shifting, that I had a personal breakthrough. All these years I realised I was resisting everything. When you're resistant, you have hold of the thing you're resisting with your attention thus continually feeding it with your energy. Non-resistance is a letting frees you and you become unstuck. It was such a strong revelation that I physically felt something lift.  

One night, things came to a climax. It's all a blur to me now. But I will do my best to explain..

Things weren't happening quick enough. Yes, the house was for sale but I couldn't wait for it to be sold to move house. With my husband working, I went for a long walk with my daughter. 

The very next day I came up with an idea that my husband called cuckoo. The summer holidays were approaching and I decided to look for work anywhere that came with free accommodation. I would then bring my youngest with me. He went along with it for a few minutes but eventually found ourselves looking at houses to rent. Feeling hopeless I decided to buy a tent.

Yep...a tent.

Now we can laugh at this, but I was desperate. My husband then said he'd rather buy a caravan. (And he thought my last idea was cuckoo!) We pulled up and looked at our options. 

Then it happened. The proverbial red herring!

Sometimes I think we're offered solutions which are clearly wrong, but in our desperation we may actually take, thus sabotaging everything. Almost like a test right before our breakthrough. Well anyway, such a solution came up. Immediately I knew we couldn't ever take it. But knowing it was there gave ever such a subtle sense of relief. 

With that out of the way, and the caravan idea a no go, I was back to tent hunting. That came to an abrupt end when we found our local sites were either booked or only accepted caravans. 

This was the turning point. 

We went back to looking at properties to rent and decided to rent something immediately rather than wait for the house to sell. It was happening....finally. We looked set to be getting out of here soon!

Wednesday, 29 August 2018

My Journey To A Magical Life - Part Two

When you're close to a breakthrough, you can be sure the situation will intensify! I say can because everyone's situation is different. But generally, the saying is true, it's always darkest before dawn. Yes, the night forced you into seeking, but when you do, it may just get darker still before the light of dawn breaks. This is what I've read happen countless times, never really giving much thought to it, until it happened to me. In some ways, it brings reassurance and the encouragement to keep going, knowing countless others have gone through the very same.

 Back on that fateful day of the funeral and meeting my new neighbours, I had already been practicing affirmations and positive thinking. By positive thinking I mean focusing on all that is good, on the pursuit of my dreams and overcoming a victim mentality. Journaling and art literally kept me going. Finding new courses, going to events, all gave me the motivation to keep going. 

As things began to get worse, I felt it would need more than just positive thinking and constantly reciting affirmations. Not that I didn't believe those things held power. But the opposite. They were working but they drew power from me, and I needed to refill the well so to speak. 

I had begun looking into moonology and how the moon can act as a natural timer. Researching the phases of the moon gave a depth to my life and really started to help direct me. On certain days, such as the new moon, I set aside time to refocus. At this time I also very tentatively, decided to explore the subject of crystals. I bought a few and took inspired action with them. 

This was all very good, but again, my situation worsened. Yet deep down I knew I was making unseen progress. Something was happening. Something good. But you just couldn't yet see it. Like another unseen world, my work with everything so far was working its magic, which would soon start manifesting in the visible world.

Now at this point the neighbours had not yet ganged together. However, after confronting next door about her shouting and antisocial behaviour, she spread rumours about me. That night I lay in bed utterly terrified.

I've never in my life known terror like it. I've had panic attacks. But this was different. This was "grab the children and go now" terror. And that's what I decided to do. 

Arguments ensued with my husband and we decided after 18 years of marriage, to call it a day. After telling the children and looking for jobs and housing, my husband finally put our house on the market. It wasn't the perfect scenario because I didn't want us to part ways, but knowing a plan was in motion I felt the terror subside and a new hope rise.

Work had come to a halt because of the noise, the atmosphere in the house and area was oppressive and I felt my overall health beginning to be affected. Last year was the fittest I've ever been and now here I was, feeling the worst I've ever felt.  

I don't know what it was, but one day my husband and I agreed it would be easier to find somewhere to rent together and give that a go. As a couple we found ourselves in a no man's land. 

I was really in a dark place but an inner belief that something bigger than me was going on, something good, stubbornly remained, no matter how bad things got. This led me to seek out things I perhaps wouldn't have done. I felt if things could get really bad, then the opposite has to exist. That things can get ridiculously good.

During that time I researched protective energy in crystals. By now, I had been feeling a comfort and really good energy from them. I was also fascinated in the scientific side of them. How they're structured and carry energy. This is the reason quartz crystals are used in watches. Then discovering it's not just in watches they're used. This really fascinated me and I couldn't believe crystals are still regarded too woo woo for some people even though they may have one on their wrist or in their computer. I bought pieces of Jet, Apache tear, Tourmaline and Labradorite, all known for their protective qualities. I then placed them in certain areas. Again, this not only comforted me, but I knew something powerful was happening. 

Well, not long after this all hell broke loose which will be revealed in Part three!

Sunday, 26 August 2018

My Journey To A Magical Life - Part One

A new chapter in my own journey has just begun. As I look back over what has happened so far, in order to put it all into words that won't bore you, I wonder where on earth am I going to start! So I flip through all my notebooks only to feel overwhelmed by how much I made note of over that time period. The lessons and treasures I pulled out of the dark. The astonishing signs that occurred. The downright unexplainable. Discovering rock bottom really does have a basement. And pursuing the inner belief that there is more to life with a dogged determination. 

But first, some context.

I grew up in a magical world of, what grown ups would have described as 'my own making'. However, looking back, I can see as children we are born with the gift to perceive things that are there, which most adults lose. We also nurture our imagination through play. But, again, as we grow older, we are encouraged out of it. Thus cutting the life flow to possibility. 

For creatives, which I believe we all are in various guises, it's a terrible loss. All the skills needed to do what we instinctively know we were born to do are thrown out with our childhood as we enter the still very victorian system of education. At this point I highly recommend Ken Robinson's Ted talks and books;

I eventually found myself in another system, the system of organised religion. I believed once I entered it I would find the deep meaning of life. I did, but not in the way I expected! I found that religion is not the answer. I left, but took my broken faith in God, with me. I no longer believed God to be a figure resembling Father Christmas sat on a cloud. But that's another story.

Alone, having upset my husband and his family for leaving, I set out on a journey.

With tentative baby steps, I slowly opened my mind to new possibilities while healing from the wounds of religion. I said to God that I wanted him/her to show me who God really is, not biased people. My faith would become a deeply personal one. *Side note, it's amazing how many people want control over your personal faith. 

For a period of time, once I left school, I dabbled in what people term (and it's a term I loathe) the new age. I barely skimmed the surface before I met my husband and joined the church. But once I had left the church and began to be more open, I realised that I had indeed set foot on a journey which would involve revisiting some familiar territory with fresh eyes and a new perspective. Not all of it would make the cut, but some of it would and would be explored in greater depth.

At this point I want to say this...

When we learn to walk, we do so ourselves. Whether a safe and encouraging environment is provided for us or not. It's something we instinctively know we must do. The same goes for our walk in life. The deep inner knowing that there is something specific we are here to do. Yet there are people waiting to control that walk. 

It takes bravery to dance to the beat of your own drum because you will upset people along the way for not dancing to the beat of theirs. 

Meanwhile, the situation where I lived grew increasingly worse. In the past I've constantly had to deal with terrible neighbours and the overall depressing state of where I lived. This pushed me to find diamonds in the rough. The saving grace, for me, were the sunsets. It was like God was painting a canvas for the audience of one...because no one else was paying attention. I felt spoiled by the variety. And it always felt like a beckoning...that there was something just beyond the skyline and one day I would find it. Creation/nature was to play a huge roll in my journey to find the enchanted life, just as it had done in my childhood. 
I feel, and always have, that God is a life force which inhabits all things, one to be discovered and explored, and so going into a building to find him felt counter intuitive. God for me was in nature and beyond. 

One day, before things got really bad, as I sat looking out of the window, I looked up and on a whim said, 'God, by the time Marjorie (a particularly lovely neighbour) goes, I want to have moved. The day came when Marjorie did indeed go. She had to go into hospital and passed days afterwards. 

And that's when all hell broke loose...

The afternoon I came back from her funeral, my hand still dirty from throwing earth into her grave, my little dog Bonnie started barking. I got up to look out of the window.

'That's odd' I thought. 'No one's there'.

I then heard commotion in my back garden so rushed to the back door. There stood two women, a mother and daughter, with chairs from my garden. Startled, they said,

'Oh! We just borrowed your chairs to climb on so we can access the garden next to you as we've been offered the house.'

My heart sank.

They moved in with the daughters children and boyfriend. Cue swearing, shouting, and loud music. When I confronted her about it because it stopped me from working, she started to spread rumours about me to my neighbours. My life felt as if it was falling apart and that was just the beginning.

Next moved in a dealer where Marjorie once lived. In total, four neighbours joined forces because they all had one thing in common...drug use. Next rats started appearing from all the rubbish that accumulated in the gardens. It became a living hell.

It was during these months I began to seek, with a dogged determination, ways to bring my dreams to pass. The difficulty of the situation had brought my dreams into focus, as it so often does. This is where well meaning people say pray and trust God. 

But I heard differently. (In fact, the day I'm writing this, and this often happens to me, I came across an article this morning which echoes what I heard.)

Before all hell broke loose, A book very serendipitously came my way which immediately got my attention. I devoured it...several times over. This is what I heard...

Pray, but remember, We all have the power to change things and have been given all the resources we need to do so. Inspired action must accompany prayer!

We must make use of all the resources given to us. With the loss of ancient wisdom, we became disabled and fell back on systems to try and help us. But each of us can realise our own power this very second and begin to discover this wisdom again.

And so the wheels of change began to turn and the magic began to reveal itself... 

Part Two coming soon. 

Friday, 24 August 2018

Journey To Rediscover The Magical Life - An Introduction

"Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment. The eternal makes you urgent." - John O'Donohue 

This life can be magical. In fact, I would say that it is meant to be so. All that wonder and sense of anything is possible as a child, I believe, is meant to carry on into adulthood for a reason. But sadly, it rarely ever does. It is educated out of us. Those who do, however, do so with spectacular results! J.K.Rowling is a modern time example, igniting the world with permission to believe in magic and the magical again. And, something to note, as this is a theme I will touch on... Harry Potter was born out of very difficult times.

 In order to discover the magic, you will have to go on a journey. A journey that involves recovery or rediscovery (of what was lost) and a letting go (unlearning what does not serve us). 

 The starting point of this said journey is generally you being (spiritually) asleep while usually in a pit of despair or struggle. You find yourself asking questions like 'Is this all there is?' 'This is not how I imagined my life.' Next, something of an awakening happens and you begin seeking where you are now.  However, many do not know the way, so seek religion (not to be confused with genuine faith) which provides little to no answers. At it's best it will provide some sense of purpose and community, but it won't answer the feeling you have deep down within you that there is more. Putting it down to childish fantasy, many give up and fall back into the system that is our present day culture. And, interestingly, religion and our culture often does the hard work for us. We can easily slip into it's flow for the rest of our lives, never seeking and therefore finding. 

 I want to tell you there IS more. But it involves having faith while you seem lost and utterly forsaken and alone in the darkness. In that darkness, if you're willing, there is so much to learn. The reason for struggle and coming to a point where you feel you just can't take any more, often has to happen to get our attention and force us into SEEKING, noticing, and to pay attention. If we didn't have the struggle, most of us genuinely wouldn't seek as intensely as we should or pay attention. And sadly, this is where many give up.


 Because we have lost our guides who existed in communities (and still do in some countries) and whose wisdom was handed down to each subsequent generation. These communities, cultures and tribes held secrets which, because much has been taken with them to the grave, has to be rediscovered. We're left with signs carved into stone, myths, legends and stories. And without a childlike approach of wonder and curiosity, we only delay our rediscovery of the wonders that this world holds. 

 Yet recent generations, arrogant in their “progress”, believe themselves to be the most advanced in history to date. Even today, it goes without saying that we are the most advanced we have ever been. Now I am far, very far, from being a conspiracy theorist, yet in my seeking I have discovered and firmly believe that... 

 history is not as fixed as we've perceived it. 

 New discoveries are more frequently coming to light which force us to rewrite history books. Yet the most incredible thing is that, much like the saying “Take it as gospel”, once something, however untrue, is established in the history books, it's taken as solid, unchangeable, fact and many people do then take it as gospel. And there's no going back for them. Even if there's firm evidence, the change seems to be too much and they feel safer believing in the old. 

 And that's where we close ourselves off to matter how extraordinary that possibility may be. At the root is fear...fear of change, of things not being how we're used to them being, of being labelled crazy, of not fitting goes on. And so we find ourselves back to the theme of struggle. To rock bottom. Because in that place you start to lose those fears. You stop worrying what others think. You are in survival mode. It's either fight or flight. In survival mode you begin to let go of those things that no longer serve you. And if you decide to fight, you start looking for what DOES serve you. New opportunities present themselves to you which you would never have considered before. 

 And so enters POSSIBILITY! For the first time since childhood!

Next, I begin to share my journey and the slow unfolding of magic in my life.

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